Breaking it down

So really there has been a reason I haven't been blogging lately--  
I don't know for sure why it is but when I figure it out I'll tell ya :)

Actually the truth is I have been breaking down a lot lately--  Too much stress over too long of a time = 2 hospital visits, freaking out in church, having braxton hicks every 2 min.for days on end, feeling out of control and sick and really not able to do it all or keep on top of anything, giving up but knowing deep down that you can't, feeling guilty, crying, wanting to do it all and be perfect still, feeling numb--- all part of my breaking down :)


I will say I'm doing better now-- I'm still a bit of an emotional roller coaster but I blame that on the pregnancy hormones. The thing of the matter is is that I know my life compared to others is a fairy tale and so great and it is blessed and not stressed compared to how it could, but mentally I guess I'm weak-- cuz' I literally broke down- my body wasn't gonna take it anymore and boy did it tell me- 

I still am trying to be perfect and get everything done to my standards- It's ingrained in me. I can't stand to sit still and do nothing-  or watch TV. I love to create things and work hard and see things get done. I just know that when things are pulled together, nice, and organized, life is easier-- I can do the extra things and look beyond our family and help others, serve better in my callings, plan for the future, and be more prepared for the future and I don't break down mentally all the time. But it's been a long slow road this time and I know H.F. is trying me and wanting me to grow-- making me choose and prioritize (which I still suck at) and I want to do what's right because I know that that is where true happiness is but sometimes I'm still a stubborn sucker and hard hearted wanting to do it my way and feeling that his way is to hard-- and in reality I make it so much harder on myself--- but that's life (growing and trying and failing and forgiveness and trying again) I'm still learning and for some reason this time around I get to have my body as a gauge as when I'm letting my priorities get out of line I can feel the stress and it hurts and makes me feel outta control and my hubby grounds me to the bed all day.

So all in all I'm crazy but I want to be perfect- I have high standards/expectations I set on myself and I'm just having to learn to balance and prioritize and take it slower to take care of this new sweet baby I'm growing :) and that's pretty much the breakdown of what's been going on :)

Dear Birthday Fairy

Dear Birthday Fairy--- (aka Hubby) he- he I'm sure he loves being called a fairy :)

I have just a few small wants this year:

Okay I lied those aren't small at all-- they're very expensive and pricey and boy do I want them but I will honestly be satisfied with my new Target $5 clearance shoes--

Huge hugs and kisses from these two

and a Date and some Soda from this guy here :) cuz' man is he hott! and I like em alot!

P.S. a little chocolate wouldn't hurt either

Best Christmas Present Ever!

So I'll tell the truth and admit that we were a bummed family come Christmas eve day--- This would be our first Christmas alone and well it's lonely and boring being alone---

 but we were trying our best to make it good-- we made some slushy stuff (pictured above before being frozen) that we played with trying to capture droplets (*did I mention we were bored. ) and while I was designing some pages for my Christmas present from Dave (a webpage) him and the kids were making and mostly eating some sugar cookies.

 Christmas eve afternoon dave's parents called and asked to talk to Payter-- which happens alot it seems and is not very unusual but before we knew it Payton was opening the front door to the surprise of them on our front doorstep.

It was so great to have them here for Christmas-- It was the best present by far!

Both me and Dave didn't get much sleep Christmas eve- staying up late catching up with his parents and than just plain being excited about Christmas--- we actually went and woke the kids up at 5:30 after we couldn't stand waiting any longer. :)

Payton and Brynley got quite the loot and were very excited about having G and G there.

but the biggest hit by far was what Santa Brought Dave-- a Nerf gun.

Santa even brought a toy that would occupy most of Grandpa's morning while he tried to figure out how to transform the thing. :)

Overall it was tons of fun having them come and visit us and made us feel so special and loved that they would travel the 12 hours to come and spend Christmas with us.

Even Tiki loved Christmas and having them here-- he refused to sleep at the foot of our bed and instead choose theirs :)

Anyways hope everyone had a Great and Merry Christmas-- and no offense 2009 but I am so glad for 2010 it's going to be a great year!